No instructions? Are you kidding me, I mean really everything comes with some form of instructions.
Well, that's not the case in motherhood, so I soon found out the hard way. Growing up as a young girl, you play with dolls and watch your own mother and aspire to be like her in every way. For some that is not always the case. In my situation I suppose it was, I was lucky. I owe so much to my Mom, the good,the bad, the easy, the difficult, the sad and the fun times. As I watched her go thru so many obstacles I soon realized Motherhood from the outside was not as easy as she made it seem. I would not be the person I am today without my mother, so this I say Thank you Mom, I love you very much.
With that all said, once I found out I was pregnant with my first child, the joy that overcame my whole body was electrifying. In that instance, I knew Love, a different kind of Love one that only a Mother and child could have. Yes, I was only a few weeks pregnant but that's all it took. As the months went on and I began to grow this belly that was my babies home, I still couldn't believe I was pregnant an absolute blessing that not only made me happier beyond anything, but it made me grow as a person.
Delivery day is upon me and the excitement that was taking over my body was out of control. I was about to meet the light of my life. All the sickness thru the pregnancy and pains, were gone as if they didn't exist. Only thought I had was thank you Jesus for making me this sweet babies Mom and for making everything in the pregnancy go ok. Walking in that hospital that morning I was overwhelmed with many thoughts going thru my brain. Yes of course the first being, O man this is going to be painful, due to all the stories you always here, and also I can't wait to meet her, this little person who has been kicking me and pushing me and making me have to pee every other minute..lol. Lets be honest pregnancy is wonderful, but can be so interesting for a woman's body all at the same time. As I get checked into my room the nerves have set in, as I keep telling myself I can do this, I can do this in order to keep somewhat calm, cool and collected. Inside my head I feel like I'm running a marathon of emotions. And it begins the labor...
Kari, meet your new baby girl!... As the tears start flowing and smiles all around, the thought in my head was I did it, she's here my beautiful baby girl..holy crap I'm a MOM! As they clean her up I can't help but keep watching her the best I could, very hard to do that when you yourself can't just get up and run over there like you'd like to do. I just wanted to scream out bring her here I wanna hold her, but I had to let them do what they do. Once she was in my arms and I was looking at her and our eyes locked, I knew right then and there that this precious gift that I was given in that instance changed my life for better forever. All the past was just that the past, my new begging had begun.
As I got up to my room, they still had my sweet baby girl, where is she what's going on that's your thoughts you want her with you. You've been waiting for 9 months to hold, kiss, hug and love on this sweet child. And then the nurses bring her in your room. Congratulations Mrs. Russell she is so beautiful. As you look in the bassinet you soon realize there is no beauty like this anywhere. And as they tell you a few things, which really is hard to listen to cause you just want to get your hands on her so badly, you nod and reply Okay. Wait, what did I just say okay to? As you watch the nurses walk out the door you want to shout out to her WAIT, where are the instructions? Now what? What do I do? But then, out of nowhere it hits you like a ton of bricks, you know what to do or maybe so you think. Whew, so overwhelming to think you are now in control of this little babies needs and wants on a daily basis forever. You think to yourself, will I be a good mom, love her the way she needs to be. When she gets older will she love me like I'll still need her to. Okay, really needing those instructions now..
Time to go home!!! The nurses come and say well, time to take that precious girl home. Again a little freaked out, that I'm expected just to know what to do. We're still getting use to each other and figuring each other out. I look around nope no instructions still... Now isn't that something? Well, here I go on my new journey in life, not knowing what's going to happen at any minute and just going with the flow. All I had to do was ask for strength to give me the confidence and the knowledge that I needed to succeed in at being a good mother, one like my own.
So here I go on this journey and all I can do is hope for the best and give everything I can to this sweet baby girl.
Thank you for your time,
Kari Jo Russell..
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